Every day in the travel industry is good for a few laughs. There are so many plots and sub plots I cannot imagine why Hollywood has not been clamoring to make movies or television shows about the travel industry. Quite honestly we are perfectly suited for some modernized remakes of some classic films and television shows. What do you think?
- The Godfather. You remember the Michael Corleones. Organized Crime—yes, the mafia. Gone are the days of a guy named Bruno walking into your store demanding hush money. That takes too much time and effort. Today’s organized crime syndicate is not the Mafia, but a tightly manipulated organization and the title of our new remake–The Airlines Reporting Corporation or ARC for short. ARC is a much more formidable foe than the old Mafia. At least with the Mafia, you know how much money you ultimately gave them. But with ARC, a push of a button and they just randomly take however much money they want from your wallet. Ah, the wonders of technology!
- All My Children. Back in the 60s, women everywhere tuned in each day to see what was happening in this ever changing suspenseful soap opera. Suspense keeps people tuned in to see what will happen next. Of course, today’s travel version will be called All My Lawsuits and of course it would star Bill Alverson and the Tomers and co-star Jerry Brown and Drew Axelrod. Due to the coarse language, this show is not suitable for young children and will only be shown late at night.
- Dateline: To Catch A Predator. Well, thankfully, we don’t have a problem with child predators in the travel industry, but there is a nuisance. In our remake, Chris Hansen will go undercover to unearth the lies, misinformation and misguided promises of the Reps of YTB, World Ventures, Traverus and Global Travel. Follow Chris as he attends revivals, hotel meetings, and tailgate parties to infiltrate the seedy underbelly of the travel industry in Dateline: To Catch a MLMer. This show is scheduled to run daily with web updates at MLMs and Travel: A Bad Mix. Currently it is scheduled to run through September 21, 2009 when it will be pulled off the air.
- All In The Family. Gone are the days of a bigoted cranky Carroll O’Connor in his Brooklyn home. This favorite will be completely remade yet retain the same title. All In The Family will star Mickey Arison in his multi million dollar home in Miami along with his partner Gerry Cahill. In our first episode, Mickey decides that one cruise line is not enough and goes on a buying spree for Holland America Line, Windstar, Costa, Seabourn, Cunard, P&O and Princess just so he can bring them all in the family. Richard Fain and Adam Goldstein will star as their nemeses trying to thwart a hostile takeover!
- Love American Style. In honor of our friends in the Middle East, this new show will be called Love Dubai Style. British vacationers will be highlighted enjoying their stay in this gem of a nation including not having sex on their beaches.
- Candid Camera. Alan Funt is long gone, but Janet Napolitano will host this remake called Not So Candid Camera. This show will air 24/7 at an airport near you. Join us for our first episode when Janet brings her Backscatter machine for some not so candid photos! And following the bumbling antics of her thousands of co-stars as they attempt to rid the world of flying liquids and explosive shoes.
- Coffee Tea or Me. And finally, our last remake will highlight our favorite flight attendants as they careen across the skies catering to the whims and desires of their passengers. The renamed version will be Coffee? Tea?—Get It Yourself. Yes the friendly skies have changed over the years, and this remake there will be no need for Sky Marshals. Herb Kelleher will play the bouncer ready to throw anyone off “his plane” if the need arises.
I think it is a brilliant idea. So much material here to keep writers busy for years! I think I am going to send this pitch in to Rupert Murdoch—anyone have the number? And save me a spot on the red carpet—preferably with Paris Hilton!