Author Archives: Ivanna Gabbalot

There are 10 articles by Ivanna Gabbalot published on this site.


Are You Aware Of Your Surroundings?

Excuse me, dahrlings, but
Are You Aware Of Your Surroundings?

What year is this Pumpkins? In the barmy Balkans, apparently it’s 1954, and Hugh Hefner is still chasing chicks with good staple potential. Lithuanians are planning a resort in the Maldives staffed entirely with bouncy blondes and Latvia is asking UNESCO to declare International Blonde Day. When’s the last time you saw a real blonde anyway? And how do you know these days? It’s tough to tell if the carpet matches the drapes when so many are waxing the floors.

Meanwhile, in the ‘civilized’ world, the clock has advanced to 1984 and our governments are working overtime to scare us into submission. Hallowe’en is weeks away but the boogeyman is already at the door, costumed in Al-Qaeda colours. The Canadian government is telling us to “be aware of our surroundings.” The Americans have narrowed down the threat zone to a continent. The Germans are bleating on about “abstract danger.” Read the rest of this entry »

Later Slater Is My Hero

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
Later Slater Is My Hero

Overnight, Steven Slater is the service sector’s Captain Fantastic. Waitresses, sales clerks and travel agents are hailing the feisty flight attendant for doing what none of us have the gumption to. (And, from what I’ve seen, some of you have pretty significant gumptions.)

Not only did he totally slate that passenger’s dumbass behaviour, he escaped the scene in a Bondian flourish, grabbing beers on the way.
Read the rest of this entry »

NN## To That!

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
NN## To That!

Kids think they cleverly invented ‘how r u’ and ‘lmao’. Puh-lease. Baby talk. A mere step above pig latin, umpkinpehs. Try entering the code for two open-jaws with extra luggage allowance in GDS. Now that’s coding. It separates the agents from the clients. It’s power.

Unfortunately, Sabre is doing away with code altogether. They’re going all ‘windows’ on us. Now any lay bimbo with a business card can use Sabre.

The Sabre’s unsheathed. Lost its edge. Pointless. Which, as far as I’m concerned, makes it a limp system. I feel very deflated. Read the rest of this entry »

Where’s The Fun Part?

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
Where’s The Fun Part?

Fair warning, Pumpkins, read at your own risk. We do not take responsibility for sudden attacks of nausea or alcoholism.

Cancun’s Mayor has just been arrested for being in cahoots with a violent drug cartel. Great. That’s really what we needed to hear this morning.

The U.S. has started fingerprinting tourists flying out of ATL and DTW to make sure they actually leave the country. Makes you feel all warm and wanted, doesn’t it? Apparently it will help “develop standard procedures for use at airports across the country.” Which means we will all be fingerprinted. I actually think that’s a great incentive to leave the country. So good, in fact, I likely won’t go in the first place. Read the rest of this entry »

You’re Crowding My Space

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
You’re Crowding My Space

As if we don’t have enough hurdles to deal with, Pumpkins. Come winter, Americans can bar your client from flying to Mexico. Or Jamaica. Or Barbados. Or anywhere south of the States.

The air above America is American and it belongs to them. (Honestly, no one wants to take it away from you guys. They really are a touchy lot.) And if they don’t want someone in their space – even if that person is sitting in a plane hurtling through it – they can’t be there – up in the air, that is. Apparently, they’re planning a “No Trespassing” sign somewhere over Michigan.

This latest safety fabrication is called the ‘Secure Flight’ rule. It’s supposed to stop a mad bomber from taking over a sun charter or something and flying it into the States. Read the rest of this entry »

Et tu Google?

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
Et tu Google?

Hang on to your gourds, Pumpkins, Google is here. Apparently the search behemoth is about to buy ITA Software – a travel search servicer that is so big, (how big?) they make Softvoyage look like Goldilocks. I’ve been wondering when Google would decide to take over travel.

ITA’s motto is “Solving the Travel Industry’s Most Complex Problems”. [Don’t bother. I searched ‘how to make money’ on their website and they don’t have anything.] Read the rest of this entry »

Busted For Showing Too Much Ash

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
Busted For Showing Too Much Ash

Blame it all on bad women, dahrlings.

According to schooled Iranian clerics, loose women are the cause of their recent deadly earthquakes. Apparently God is pissed about hair peeking out from under headscarves (considered a clear sign of promiscuity) and a general “prevalence of degeneracy”, so he killed Read the rest of this entry »

This Is Our Best Campaign Yet…

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
This Is Our Best Campaign Yet…

How’s your moral turpitude, Pumpkins? Wait…don’t Google it, I already did.

The U.S. coined this gem of a legal term for “conduct that is considered contrary to community standards of justice.”  Oh my nerves! And, that’s just one of the questions on our dear southern neighbour’s fancy new Electronic System for Travel Authorization (ESTA) form that lots of folks who want to visit the U.S. will have to answer.  Starting March 20th, a little trip to Disney World, Vegas or the BIG Apple from any of 35 ‘Visa-Waiver’ countries – including the U.K., Australia, France, Germany and Japan – will require completion of a wildly and weirdly worded online questionnaire prior to their trip. Read the rest of this entry »

Where Are All The Agents Coming From?

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…
Where Are All The Agents Coming From?

Chains and consortia are collecting more agencies than Tiger Woods’ has cocktail waitresses. [And BTW, he held a private little conference the other day for select press at a Florida golf club to ‘apologize’. Did he have sex with them too?]

There are agency growth announcements almost daily: V.Com added 60 new agencies last year; Ensemble was up to record numbers this fall; Uniglobe acquired large Read the rest of this entry »

Introducing Ivanna Gabbalot!

Excuse me, dahrlings, but…

I’m Being Exported!

My weekly slag column on OpenJaw.com has been discovered! Yes, Pumpkins, after years of helping the Canadian travel industry wrench its head out of its navel — god knows some folks would suffocate without me — I have been exported. American trade publisher Richard Earls wants me. And from what I’ve heard, what Dicky wants, Dicky gets.

Richard, dahrling, I’m yours. Do with me what you will!

Read the rest of this entry »