Today’s message brings me back to a time when I was 10 years old. If you asked me (or a great number of grown men) how they managed to meet their first girlfriend, they would likely share a similar story.
A young boy is introduced to his first girlfriend in the 5th grade at the age of ten. The reason I know this is because that’s the age we realize that women exist. Until that point it was all about basketball, football and baseball. (I’m generalizing.)
In all probability here’s how your first girlfriend entered the picture. You were minding your own business at lunch when a friend (let’s call him Jimmy) approaches to give you the latest news. He might say something like, “Hey Mike. I’ve got something to tell you.” You say, “What’s that, Jimbo?” He replies with a sheepish grin, “Susie likes you.”
In my case I replied, “Well, if Susie likes me, I like Susie.” Then, I looked around the room, paused for what seemed like an eternity before asking Jim, “Which one is she?”
There you have it. One of life’s more significant lessons. If you like me, I like you.
Even though I don’t know anything about you, this mutual admiration takes place. If you like me, I like you. This same phenomenon holds true whether you happen to be 65 years old or as young as ten. The contrary is also true. If you don’t like me, I don’t like you.
Keep this in mind when the topic swings around to “likeability.” This is as true as rain, and happens to be an extremely valuable reminder.
A second point I would like to leave you with today is that when people meet you for the first time, there are three questions they will be asking themselves … and they all concern you and your future relationship. They will not physically ask you these questions, but they will be thinking of them.
- Can I trust this person?
- Does this person know what he/she is talking about?
- Do they care about me?
We all know that trust takes time; but we also know that if someone doesn’t look you in the eye, it can lead to mistrust. So at the very least, when you talk to people, look them in the eye. Make it a point of doing this. Hold eye contact.
Do they know what they’re talking about? Don’t take a chance by guessing–and being wrong. Don’t think in front of strangers. If you know the answer, share the truth as you know it. If you don’t know the answer, tell them you will find the answer and get back to them. If you are wrong just once, the relationship could be over before it starts.
Do they care about me? Shift your focus from you to them. Ask them about their vacations, about their family, about their pets. Get out of your world and into their world, and they will soon feel that you care about them … which you do, right? To be interesting you first must become interested.
Can I trust you? Do you know what you’re talking about? Do you care about me?
Spend a little time addressing these three questions and you will soon become the leader of the pack.
Mike Marchev , MBA, CTC, is an internationally recognized motivational speaker and author of the book Become the Exception. Contact Mike at email@example.com
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